I didn’t meditate this morning. The kids woke & I ignored them. I slept in. I stayed in my dressing gown after breakfast & read a book while drinking coffee. We didn’t start home schooling at 9am. I wasn’t even showered and dressed till 10am. Some mornings just aren’t meant for moving fast.
Our morning tea break / walk started late, then it went longer than usual (the sunshine was devine) the kids were happy & everything seemed wonderful. We dragged ourselves through half the home school workload of yesterday & as the day went on, it had a snow ball effect, meaning we finished at 4pm - all knackered & grumpy.
I had good intentions, but this is what happens when I don’t meditate, don’t get up to my alarm (or the kids) and don’t stick to our routine & schedule. My approach to the day leads my tribe, but some days I just need to move slower. I don’t feel guilty like I sometimes would, but I do feel frustrated & this afternoon I felt robbed of my precious time, because time just didn’t exist anymore, suddenly I was cooking dinner & groundhog day was about to begin again.
I try to stay positive & try to be present & 100% there for the kids. As I’m sure all parents know, the juggling act is exhausting with so many responsibilities & demands. I have hardly said boo to my business this week and it’s eating me up.
I’ve managed to write a blog post and reschedule clients bookings, but I still have a bit of work to get out. The reality is that I love what I do, and it’s a part of my identity, it’s who I am & what I think & breathe. So when I don’t get time to work on it or in it, the frustration is real.
The most difficult part is I feel a loss of my identity when I am just Mum. Don’t get me wrong, being Mum is the best job in the world, but it’s not my only job or adjective regarding who I am. And slowly that feeling crept back in today, that feeling I had when I had my daughter, my first born. The reality that suddenly this is who you are and there’s no time or ability to be anything else. For me it was a 12 month scramble to find my new identity without letting go of the old Holly.
It’s been 9 years now, and bit by bit I’ve found my way back to being me as well as being a mum, it’s the new Holly - Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. It’s nice to know myself again, but to have that me time filled with other responsibilities rocks my boat a little.
Anyway, I’m sure many of you can relate, so I guess we need to meditate! & be sure to find that time for ourselves. If our cup isn’t full, we can’t give to our loved ones. Be kind to yourselves & I’ll try again tomorrow. Holly xx
View from Bicentennial Park, Queanbeyan ~ Looking out over Jerrabomberra